Leann

Leann

AN EXTREMELY SILLY COLLEGE EXERCISE

----

Let me give some background here. I was taking a creative writing class at Golden West community college and the professor had us all take the first few lines of some other author's work and finish it ourselves. So then let me clarify that the first couple lines of this are not my own work; they are somebody else's. I don't know whose, and I don't want to infringe on anybody's copyrights or whatever, so please don't consider this anything resembling a serious work, and I hope if whoever the beginning of this belongs to ever somehow finds it (yeah, right, I'd be less surprised if I was hit by a meteor and a lightning bolt at the same time) that they will take no offense. If you, reader, are that person, and you want this removed, let me know.

Now! On to the silliness!

----

Leann and I were driving to her father's new A-frame on Lake Nacogdoches, and I was nervous about meeting her folks for the first time.

"Relax," Leann said. "Drink a few Old Mills with Dad, maybe catch a large mouth or two off the dock Saturday. When you get the nerve on Sunday, you can spring the news on the old man about wanting to marry his little girl."

"Are you sure about this?" I asked. "I'm afraid I'm going to screw up. I'm no good at this kind of thing."

"It'll be fine," she told me. "I'll pick out the perfect shotgun for you. You'll do great."

"But hasn't he had, you know, a lot more practice than me?" I asked. "How many boyfriends have had to do this so far?"

She shrugged. "You'll do great," she repeated. "He's old and slow, and besides, you're motivated."

---

We stood, feet planted firmly in the bottoms of our kayaks, precariously balanced and wobbling in the morning breeze.

"Sunrise, boy," he said, grinning. "Time to meet your destiny."

My fingers flexed. Leann called out from the shore, "Five! Four! Three!"

I shivered as the wind picked up.

"Two! One!"

The old man's hand drifted down toward his shoulder.

"Go!"

In perfect unison her father and I grabbed the shotguns from our backs, sliding them effortlessly from their makeshift holsters. We leveled the guns, lined each other up in our sights, and fired.

---

"W... What..." I tried to speak and found it difficult. I propped my shoulders up against a pillow and tried to focus my eyes. I was lying in a hospital bed, tightly wrapped with bandages.

"Baby, you're awake!" Leann's misty shape coalesced in front of me. "I was worried. You've been out for days."

"What happened? Did I... win?"

"Well, technically it was a draw, but Dad always said that in his book, the survivor is the real winner, and you're definitely a survivor."

"Thank god," I said.

"Now, there's just one thing left to get in order," she said with a smile. "Should we have the wedding first, or the funeral?"